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A Window Girl: Part 3
(Being With her…)

Two years of my voyage with so beautiful way of love, of course sometime it was so uncomforting to handling in such a peaceful way but what I've felt, it’s exceptional. Do you know my so beautiful paradise that what I feel about you? You've always asked these entire question towards so many my inside feeling that I've been searching in this way of love. Yes, somewhere I'm little secret and it made so so discomfort about our relationship because you're not in this thinking. Somewhere I wanted to be very clear about my feelings and wanted to tell you what I feel when I'm with you, what I think when I'm with you but every thing I feel that didn't come out so easily just because I was so selfish lover probably....Do you know my love what I was thinking about you all the time and wanted to feel you inside the heart every time. I feel that you the sign of feet in the corner of sea the every wave came to kiss your feet and all the sad memories that we brought used to reap up.

You’re the sunset of surrey that I found every lights of sun go down on the mountain to tease me to say you're the best soul that you've got the love of your so beautiful pari.The sea in the corner of your feet's trace use to efface every time from the love of wave.My love is the so narrow street in the first but in voyaging I found so soulful road for the trekking to get the amazing space for my love to express all the love and affection.Your love is the song of all these feelings of human’s life that assures me to reach in to your heart to feel your love and feelings. Imagination of the long high way got the strong feelings of my soul to make understand that every time we got little argument was just a little salt of our love that we needed and it gave me so much way that I couldn't feel when I was alone. I'm so happy that I'm in love with you to take your so beautiful love to feel my heart that I'm not empty and I've lots of feeling inside my heart to feel from your eyes and heart that I've got so beautiful present of your love that I'll always worship as the something very important of my own identity. In the Gita, Ramayana and mahabharata’s days the maharaja were asked by their maharani “how you can express your love to me in three words by your heart, mouth, eyes. The kite, so my so beautiful angel you’re the kite for me that you’re flying near the mountain, I’m waiting you by worrying by my heart if you’re ok and talking with wind that that is the Angel I love so much. You step into my dream and tiptoeing softly like a celestial nymph by wearing a garland of yellow flowers and set upon your soft golden curls, a tiara of luminescent jasmine white. You slip into my dreams, singing of your love's offerings to me, touching me softly with your song. I just find within in a voice so gentle and virgin, pearly white notes a bubbling from your sweet fountain of o love. Every drop is like nectar in my dreams when I drink. You continue stepping into my dreams, each night with blissful soft of softness, rocking the sweet night away to blissful sleep, then hastening suddenly to depart wordlessly, just before the break of dawn your silken gown trails off our love garden. Yet, it’s still so respectful that when you turning to look back. It seems as your rosebud lips smiling a promise of sweeter nights yet to come. Form silently gliding away vanishing, each night you leave me thus, awake and wondering who can you be my love and where are you from? Are you real or are you a celestial being? Oh how my heart yearns to see you my love, in living flesh and blood. If I were allowed to write one letter, to whom and about what would you write? I'd write to my maharani to let her know how happy I am that she came into my life. It's the same with too, of course, but she is mature and understands while my little one is still shy and reserved. I still think of her as my baby. I want to remind her of the wonderful moments we shared when we were in the moonlight and tell her I still cherish those memories.

This is about an angel with whom it’s always fun to be with, an angel who made me smiles on the way of my life and whose words are sure to crack me to catch the happiness. But there are times when I can’t write her by my own problem, it hurts me and I can’t make my conscious to make them warm. I would like to wish her a very happy and joyous journey in her life. I hope new road and her so beautiful heart together will bring to her more joy, happiness, progress, prosperity and peace with lots of love.

One bright Moon is worth than million stars in the sky. One better person can mould and empower millions mind; even nation. Positive attitude is main thing. Hope makes world go around. Time brings change. Changes are understandable. But something just never changes with time. They remain same bold and beautiful like stars glimmering in the blue sky. Let’s change with time. But let’s not give up the hope. Love, itself a lovely word, is a pleasant gift for everyone, and everybody’s need in this world. I can argue that everyone learns or tries to learn how to love and how to be loved, which really is a tough journey to complete. I am not an exception to this fact. Love requires lots of sacrifices and meditations. It may be easy just to be loved but not so easy as to truly love. Love, I think is a give-take thing. The more you want it, the more you have to give it first. In fact, it is really hard to fulfil your duties and responsibilities to be a true lover and get it from others for your entire life.

Love, in a way, can be divided into two clear kinds. One is the love from family members, friends and relatives. I have had more than enough from them so never have to feel scarcity of it in my entire life. However, some crucial parts of this kind of love deprive me of this kind of love. Those who left us alone in this world also left some incomplete love. My other family members and friends always try their best to replace the forgone love and so do I for them. None can recuperate that loss except just soothing the pain. On the other hand, the kind of love that I am going to talk in greater lengths here is totally different. My first encounter with this kind of love, which is a most unforgettable moment in my life, and my sweet lovely past, will never be stale in my mind.

Today I am a firm believer in time being the best healer. There was a time I thought I would just not surface. Yes, there were people telling me to be brave, that every thing will be okay, but none of them were going through it and at the time, it made no sense at all. But today I can look at the situation in a more clearly sighted manner. A lot of water flowed under the bridge, and without any intention of being magnanimous, I truly wish her happy life. I’m very sorry if my deep thoughts are mistaken. Sometimes what I think it doesn’t happen and what I didn’t think, this happens... Naturally I wanted to make it in a good way. Seriously, I asked myself that is being sensitive or something still worse, being over sensitive in love’s tormenting times a sin? Of course I do think I’m not so sensitive as much as she was and I have more than many reasons to prove that it is. It must be, otherwise why the sensitive persons do and they have to suffer so much? Why do they have to suffer so much agony and sometimes I can’t be as sensitive as she is, I used to fall down and understand later… pain? Why do they have to go through all kinds of major obstacles in their way? Why do the men who specialise in working wonders and miracles with their mastery over the wily ways of the world survive and reach new heights by all their cunning, conceit and criminal ways while one sensitive person sit back and suffer silently, suffer without giving in to the ways of the materialistic and the practical even as all those men and women who use every method to achieve their goals to make hay while the black sun shines for them because the sensitivity requires lots of love, affection and attention... When I look around, I see, what she was trying to express. I have and still do and I must say it hurts a lot if someone very close to heart, and if they don’t understand quickly, it lacerates your heart and soul if you have one, it tempts you to wonder about the futility of this gift called life which a majority of the living are busy making a mockery of. The love world would have been such a beautiful place inside the heart if the sensitive persons are given a chance to run it according to their sensitivity and over sensitivity. From my part I feel so awful that my vision seemed to say there is no place for the sensitive expression….

But I think I do learn to be practical, practice materialism, grab the best things of the world in the palms of her rough hands for who knows what will happen tomorrow, I ask myself. And I ask them how many of them are really happy, how many at peace with themselves, how many can know the real value of life if there’s no any understanding about sensitivity. She always asked me if I love her and she used to tell me that “You don't fear when you love me but you can't love me when you fear”. Sometimes I think the images of her vision and deep thoughts became larger than life that I can’t reach there. But I still feel that I don't want to do anything because I have to, but because I wanted to do it and I was happy doing it from the heart because I loved her. And it has nothing to do with my express less sensitivity. I felt deep and deep that I loved her so much and I couldn’t hide it even though if I wanted because it was something very pure sound of soul that I couldn’t hide. As a human being I take a relationship so seriously as a sensitive person with best of my abilities, I don’t promote either the ideal that a ‘relationship is forever’. I am not for a relationship that has to be permanent, because there are certain relationships that should not remain. No fault of the girl or the boy, but they are better off without it. But I do believe that if there is an inherent strong bonding between two people; and I’m not using the word ‘love’ intentionally, then the chances of the relationship working are better. There will be times, when things will go haywire but the prevailing factor is the strong bonding. Yes, I just do remember that the whole memories of falling in love are so beautiful. I am still quite inside in that.

Unfortunately, sometimes I do feel our love seemed to have ‘ok we fell in love, what next?, attitude, travel, cinema, and restaurant, meet the friends or talks?, that’s all we need? Where would go all the test of falling in love, when we fell in love, and the apprehensions; ‘did she look at me or was there someone standing behind? ‘Oh I’m little shy by nature, I should tell her that’, is she interested or not?’, is she liked this or that?’ are so important and romantic. I just think of it...It’s such a terrific emotion. But after getting together, why all the excitement would run away, where it stayed all these beautiful bends of life? One cares that all these things are very much part of love and are still with us. Then why we can’t call them to make our voyage so romantic and lovely with so much love and affection? Life is so much more interesting if we deal in elements like these. But because of not having a time together and not having a much communication, a beautiful couple’s distance can come between these love stories. Sincerely, when I think about it, it irritates me. Life has gone beyond disappointments and appointments.

Whatever had to happen did and hopefully life has moved on for everybody. You just try to make the best in the given circumstances and go ahead but which corner of our love that this embarrassment uses to come from? From do our own different characters? Naturally, every character is real, almost borrowed from life, very much part of life. Yes, fortunately I’ve lived a very colourful life once and have encountered the oddest of characters also but I feel that it’s not enough for me to understand, I can feel it even though I love watching people and picking up nuances. Somewhere I feel that I’m different than others in the matter of love probably, it doesn’t mean that I’m the best of my way of loving is better than others. For that I really can’t help myself and probably this could be the reason I couldn’t find out the importance of my angel’s presence…

Every lie we make, each illusion that we create and the love that we fake… A promises we break, all the mistakes we make and you tried so hard, struggling, to get to the top and trying to figure out and rack your head, to what really works? It hasn’t been easy, you’ve swam too far to suddenly stop, you’re running out of stream and you’re living on hope. The tide is pulling you to the left, to the right, everyday and night, of course I understood that you got confused; the music melodies aren’t so black and white, you wondered how long did you have to wait to reach that place. I was tired of hearing you’re too young or old, or you haven’t got that face. We didn’t take it easy and flow with the words of love.

One memory I have is this a pretty girl with sweet smile seat before me, her hands steadily wiping...the smile from her face, I remember walking down the stairs to her hugging her, comforting her as she touch on my shoulder. I remember the mess of her long brown hair, the muffled sniffling sounds she made in that little rocking chair, I remember sorrow, the weight of heartbreak filling that small room, I remember the sympathy I poured over her in attempt to wash the pain away, I remember her wet tears staining her otherwise beautiful face the sadness all around her. I knew nothing would ease the pain, but time and a new love...ahead into better times, away from the past, leaving her tears behind. The water meditates to a flow yet wishes for saying how much I loved her.

-Written by Simon Rimal
Walking in the lane